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eRiCCa

ME or YOU?

Sometimes I wonder, if someone makes me feel uneasy and not feeling good, is that MY problem or this someone’s problem?

It’s either I am…

Over sensitive:
Maybe they are not doing it on purpose and they don’t realize that…
Too calculative:
Maybe I shouldn’t care what people do…
Care about the relationship:
Maybe I treat people as someone important but they just treat that I am nobody…
Easily hurt:
Maybe I should learn how to stay away from these…

Or maybe they…

Do it on purpose:
Because they HATE me…
Not doing it on purpose but NATURALLY:
Just because they don’t even care about how I feel…

And I used to confront and talk over problems, but I am just so sick of people trying to give gazillions of excuses for their behaviors, and trying to HIDE, or even try to change how I think… But, I still think that IF YOU have done something that no matter directly or indirectly hurting me, then it’s your FAULT, it’s obviously not my problem that I purposely turn your kind heart to a rotten heart to HURT MYSELF, RIGHT~!? It’s your misbehaves!!

But I know, no matter what, it’s all up to me to make myself feel better in this kinda situation… And I am still so far away from knowing how to handle it the right way! I have been telling myself again and again about DON’T CARE and DON’T INTERACT with anyone, there comes NO PROBLEM then!!

This is why I am now happily living in my own little corner, my small but cozy room… And not connecting with the WAR outside my world… I sometimes wonder I should live in an ISLAND myself, nobody nothing, maybe my family with me… I will never leave my family behind for any reason…

Or maybe it’s even better to be DEAF AND BLIND… I guess it would be so peaceful…

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