Sorriee…

i was on the phone with a friend just now (you know who you are, if you are reading this)… i really feel so sorry to you man… i know you are such a nice friend to me, and i really hope to share my things with you too… but… i am not used to it… and i dont know how to share, not that i DONT want to… hope you understand…

hmm… maybe i am not good in sharing gua… i really dont know how to share things… especially my own problems… maybe i know how to share happiness lar, gossips, jokes, nonsense and bullshits… but not problems lor… i really feel very hard to tell something, i dont like to tell either, i dont like people to give me advice… as i know that those are good ones, it’s just that, i cant follow… i have no confident, no courage to follow… so sometimes, i feel so bad when i trouble you guys with problems and you guys are being so nice to comfort me and advice me… but then, still my problems are still there and not solved… i feel so bad to waste your time and kindness… and i really appreciate it… thanx people… you guys should know who you are as well…

maybe i am being too stubborn or whatsoever, and i admit it… i have been trying hard to listen and follow, but then, i have always failed to do so… it’s just like, i wanna do, but i am unable to do it… and i always know what i should do, but then… there is always this invisible hand stops me from doing it… so, there is no wonder why i am always sad and so many problems, coz these problems are always there…

what i am doing is… always try to run away from the problems, hide it, start my pretended-happy-go-lucky life… and yes, i know i shouldnt do so, yet… i cant help… try to find some ways to destress to forget about them temporarily… and guess what, i have found this way, and again, i know it’s not a right way yet a very wrong way… still i find it kinda suit me… to get drunk!! recently, when i am unhappy, i always feel like drinking, oopsss, or maybe i should say drunking… at least, i am released for a moment… brain not functioning, no worries at all… *it’s not good, dont learn* wow, actually there are some other ways in my mind… but… should i say it out… but… dont scold me okie!! it’s like how about taking drugs? smoking? wow… *defending myself* okok… i am not going to touch it… hopefully yea… like what i said earlier, i am trying my very best to take GOOD care of myself, trying hard… hopefully i can get my parents a better daughter, get everyone a better friend, get this world a better person… and not a worse one…