Month: October 2008

I have been in a depression lately because of the freaking AUD, so bad!! All my dreams of bringing AUD back to KL to exchange to a GOOD amount of RM just vanished like that!! =(

I seriously couldn’t believe that SGD is stronger than AUD now…

And how am I going to survive with this tiny amount of RM that I have ar… DIE LAR!!

Or, a brighter side, it’s time for me to move back to KL!! All the while, I thought earning AUD was so good, you could exchange it to good RM value… But now, the ONLY REASON no longer exist… It’s even worse than SGD, for no reason that I should stay!!

Not only that, this freaking AUD makes my online shopping experience to the worst!! Everything is just so expensive after the conversion… NIABEH!!

Bah, like what ZhanShen said, LIFE SUCKS!!!

Answer? – Unknown –

Been quite a few times when my mom told me that HE has been meeting up with my brothers, I thought I would want to know why, what and how… But, I didn’t ask a question, in fact, I ignored… But, it seems that I want to know something, but I just don’t want to ask, or scared to know? Or maybe I really don’t want to know… Seriously, the answer is UNKNOWN. I don’t even know what I want…

Quite a few people asked me, will I get back together with him IF there is a chance… Seriously, again, UNKNOWN. I really can’t tell. I might, and I might not.

I feel like I’m an ostrich, I just want to hide, I don’t want to know, I don’t want to ask, I don’t want to think…

曾經,想過著一些平凡正常的生活,決定了改變…

可是…

現在的我,很想放縱自己…

It seems like many people THOUGHT that I got back with him, hence the previous post about PROMISES… But now, it’s not like that…

Apparently, those were the promises to DarDar, not my new BF, but a long lost friend of mine. I used to talk to him a lot, but then ignored him for some reasons, then talked to him again when I needed someone to talk to.

I felt so bad when he said this to me…

“Although you might be not talking to me again in the future, I really hope that I can spend some time with you to help you to get through this period.”

Thus, I promised him that I will never not talk to him anymore, I want him to know that I really appreciate his company these days. He talks to me whenever he has the time because he knows that I need someone to be there… He makes sure that I get to bed early…

He even said that…

“You can call my room phone to wake me up if you need someone to talk to even it’s 5am.” Because he has his mobile phone on silent when he goes to sleep, and because I told him that I have nobody to talk to when I wake up at 8am Melbourne time, 5am Malaysian time during the weekends.

I asked him what he wants as a return, he said he wants some Santa chocolates from Australia IF WE ARE STILL TALKING TO EACH OTHER, and if we don’t, he wants me to be happy.

This person, I am keeping him, my DarDar, someone that really helps me a lot during this period and also makes me smile…

You have my promise,

I will never not talking to you anymore…
I will treat you with all my heart…
I will not suspect your sincerity anymore…
I will be good…
I will listen to you…

Although I don’t need your promise, I still hope that you will not disappoint me, that you will always try your best to spend time with me… =)

54 more days to get you to babysit me… LALALALLALAAA~~~

Thanks to everyone, everyone who involved in this period, including NEW FRIENDS who just came to my chatbox to make comments and all… Maybe we should become friends? If you guys wanna leave me your contacts… =)

Of course also those who really worried about me and tried to help me… My close friends, family and relatives… You people are just so great!! =)

My crappy but helpful First Ex-BF, Esmund. Thanks for talking to me almost everyday and comforting and scolding me at the same time… HAHA, it works!! Like you said, I only come to you when I have problems, and you will never let me down… Hopefully I don’t have to talk to you anymore… BYE YOU GO AWAY! =P

Also, I must say this to CHANDLER, eh, thanks for trying to help me and also at the same time helping yourself… =P I guess I am now feeling so much better, but you are still feeling miserable huh… Don’t worry, everything will be better soon, especially you have got me as your new best friend… HAHAHAHAHHA… We fell down together, so we will stand up together too, OK? =)

Hmmm… And, this very important one, you won’t be reading this, you don’t even know about my blog, but I have to say that, because of you, my days are filled with smiles and laughters… THANK YOU!! I will give you the return that you want, that I know that you really want me to be happy =)

I am feeling so LOVED by so many people, I should be glad that I am so blessed… *muacks*

I am feeling so confused and miserable again, been thinking of what’s in his mind…

I am confused that WHO IS HE? Why is he so contradicting? I am feeling scared that it seems like I don’t know this person who talked to my brother… Did he fake it to my brother, or he faked it towards me?

Did he talk to my brother for a reason? Trying to pass on some messages to me? But I don’t get it…

Why can’t he be more straight forward? Why so many faces? Why trying to cover something?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…

I am sure SOME people will be happy reading this entry…

Well, I am now feeling even much better, because I am finally away from him, which is a good thing… Thanks to my brother, and I have no idea why he likes to talk to my brother knowing that my brother would tell me everything in the end… He has been biatching about me to my brother all the time, and keep making it a big fuss… OMG, can’t you just be more gentleman A BIT? The worst reason he said was, because HE LOVED ME MORE THAN I LOVED HIM… WAHSAI, like this also can be a valid reason ar? Geng lor, use a scale lor then… Also, he would forgive me if I actually flew back to him BEFORE he decided on the break up, what is that?

Haiihzzz… I guess it’s my turn to become disappointed at him at this point, why would one who loved me so much has turned to hate me that much?

He used to say to me that he wanted to marry me as soon as possible because HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME EVERYDAY… BUT, he told my brother that he wanted to get married is to have someone to take care of his family… HELLO? MAID KAH? And my brother told him that… “If one day you both really decided to get married, I would say NO” My brother told me that I was so lucky to be able to stay away from him… HAHAHAHAHA

It’s a MONDAY, I am feeling kinda refreshed after a HECTIC weekend… HAHA, very hectic that I spent my whole weekend talking to different people ALL THE TIME… Yes, that’s my HOBBY and that’s my way to keep myself busy in order to not think about nonsense things…

Really BIG THANKS to so many people that willing to spend time talking to me, and I know I might be a bit of annoying… Trust me, it won’t be for long I promise!! Please let me annoy for a bit bit more ok? Please lar…

And yes, I have all my heart to move on now!! Knowing the real reason that there is nothing that I can do, and he already made up his mind, I shouldn’t be hoping for more… And also, maybe you guys are right, I won’t be happy with him for long because of the character wise… Also I believe, I love him, so I should respect his decision, I should let go to make him feel better, I should not make him suffer anymore…

At least, I feel the love from my family A LOT… Family ROCKS!!!!!!

It’s hard, it’s so damn hard… Why can’t the time fly faster? I hate it when the time is passing so slowly, I have too much time but I don’t have him…

Feeling so empty, feeling so unloved, feeling so stupid, all these feelings are killing me minute by minute… I really wish that there is only a minute in a day… Especially when it’s now 3 hours away from all my beloved family and friends, I don’t get to talk to them when I wake up at 9am in the morning, what I can do is just sit there and think…

I am seriously waiting for the day to come that I can go home and just stay under my parents’ arms…

I hate AUSTRALIA!! If it’s not Australia, I wouldn’t be in this deep shit now!! My relationship would work so well!! I shouldn’t have come here in the very first place, this place is just so depressing!! I shouldn’t just leave and go home during my 2nd year!!

F U C K I T !!!!!!