was home alone just now… so decided to make a call to mommie for a chat… but EXPECTEDLY… our conversation became a war…
all the time, yes, i really mean it ALL THE TIME… we cant get a smooth and happy conversation whenever it touches my STUDIES… often get into the blaming-each-other-situation… yes, i really blame her for letting me to come over… and i really blame her for not letting me to go back to continue it since i really dont like to be here… but she claims that i should appreciate my opportunity being here… NEVER ENDING BLAMING…
i dont know… it’s not that i dont wanna study, it’s not that i dont wanna graduate… please man… i think i hate studying than anyone else… and i have been trying harder and harder to LOVE my course, to communicate with my course, to understand my course… but then, i just freaking dont get a thing!! i just cant make it better…
i used to be quite confident in myself, i used to tell myself that i could do it… but… after so many falls, been failing for like… *uncountable times*… i really have no guts to hope for something good… i have no confidence anymore… in my mind, i only know that i am a failure, i will never ever get things right…
this semester, is a very very important semester to me… i seriously cannot afford to fail anymore!! i really dare not to imagine what will happen to me if i really fail again…
all these sleepless nights been bothering me too often… i try to get my self to sleep when i feel tired… but once i am on the bed, i will start thinking of how to do the assignments, how to answer the exam questions, how to prepare for the papers, how to study better, how to memorise easier, how to this and how to that… besides, thinking of the time and money that i have spent, thinking of the disappointments that i have brought to everyone, thinking of my shittie future… till i am too stressed to sleep, and i will get up to on my lights… open my book… continue studying or working on it again…
i am just feeling so EMPTY… so HOPELESS… so HELPLESS… so LIFELESS… where the fark is my future… where the hell is my happiness…
4 replies on “Me Vs Studies…”
we have talking about this topic in our msn conversation.. and i know how you feel. if you’re still in the beginning of this course, you still able to change course or whatsoever. but now i guess its too late. what you have to do is just continue with it. and continue doing isnt easy when you are already not confident with yourself. do something which you feel confident when doing that. and try really hard to find out whats the problem. maybe go see a counsellor or what.
what i say maybe useless or you have already a billions time. but i really hope you would feel happy and confident again. and of course grad soon and leave aussie since you dislike studying there.
thankx zoe =)
just get it over with! just get the PAIN over with!!
U need to ACCEPT what you NEED to do…it’s painful, like sucks (sometimes) and shiat happens!! Tough!! Just bite the bullet and get it OVER with!!
Kor wan you to come home with your head up high cos u managed to complete your studies! If not for anything/anyone, do it for yourself!
The pain is WORTH it! Get with the programme girl!
girl, not just study hard, u gotta STUDY SMART. pushing urself too hard will go more harm than good. stop telling urself all those negative stuff, u gotta start THINK POSITIVE! not every1 can b a star student, just try ur best yea =) u have my full support, GAMBATE!!