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eRiCCa

To My Darling…

ok… i am blogging while you are just beside me now… and when i am still half drunk…

first of all… i really need to say sorry to you… i really felt bad to make you unhappy LAST night… and i really know that it was my fault to let you going home alone… but then i really bored when you left me and went to drink with virlyn and lok… i was lucky that i found alan and friends to drink with me and play with me… but then that time you already wanna go home and i just started my fun and you forced me to go home with you… but then i really know that i was being selfish and i already said sorry to you this morning…

and just now in the K, i was really angry when you said that again… coz i already said sorry to you and you kept saying that i made you unhappy and all… i was angry because of… why didnt you think of me when i was bored and nobody was beside me last night and when i found people to play with me then you told me virlyn was drunk and you had to leave and asked me to leave with you also…?

and i actually NOTHING edi when you told me to forgive those words that you said when you were drunk… and i knew that you were drunk and i really meant it when you explained to me and i really meant it that i really NOTHING!! but you didnt believe me at all… and you ended up saying that my sad face made you sad and you thought of those unhappy things… and i cried… just because that i felt bad that i made you sad… i was blaming myself for showing you my unhappy face and you got unhappy… and was blaming myself for only knowing to make you unhappy… i didnt mean it, darling…

and it’s my wrong again when i kept crying eventhough i already promised you to stop crying… and it’s seriously nothing about you… it was because of the songs that they were singing made me think of him and i felt that all the sad songs were about me… about me and him… about how i really love him… how i really miss him… how stupid i am… how the days used to be… how he affected my life… everthing about him…. and this is also the reason why i didnt wanna stay in the K longer… again… you didnt believe me that i really didnt wanna stay…

ok… everything’s clear now…

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it’s not a good feeling while you get drunk all 3 nights in a row… especially the first night drunk then hangover the next day… and you start drinking again while havent recovered from the hangover… and then the next night again drinking before recovering from the previous hangover… you can feel that your brain is permanently floating out of your head…

i am worried… my brain cells…

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