Month: August 2004

> >It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a
> >little earlier, i called him,
> >
> >:Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up?
> >
> >
> >:Alright, give me 5 minutes.
> >
> >
> >:5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house.
> >
> >
> >:I need to get ready.
> >
> >
> >:Alright, make it fast then.
> >
> >
> >2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree
> >and fan myself.
> >
> >
> >Although it doesn’t make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned.
> >
> >
> >5 minutes have passed, he’s still not shown up, I was a lil’ unhappy while
> >looking at my watch.
> >
> >
> >10 minutes and he’s still not here….couldn’t be that he was met with an
> >accident?
> >
> >
> >15 minutes passed, he finally shown up.
> >
> >
> >:Why are you so late?
> >
> >
> >He wasn’t even a lil’ bothered: Nahz, was watching TV.
> >
> >
> >:What?! TV?! Why don’t you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then?
> >
> >
> >I haven’t got anything else to say for that, didn’t take the helmet he
> >handed me but stood there and stared at him.
> >
> >
> >:Sorry.
> >
> >
> >This was the first time he said sorry to me…
> >
> >
> >He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a
> >girl.
> >
> >
> >I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home.
> >
> >
> >He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels.
> >
> >
> >The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can’t be settled
> >with a sorry.
> >
> >
> >I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises.
> >
> >
> >He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl.
> >
> >
> >Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his
> >mistakes.
> >
> >
> >Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead.
> >
> >
> >Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised.
> >
> >
> >I dropped my head: you don’t ever need to say sorry to me again.
> >
> >
> >If you can never change, th en don’t let me keep giving you chances again
> >and again hoping and believing that you would change each time.
> >
> >
> >He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry.
> >
> >
> >Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever.
> >
> >
> >I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me.
> >
> >
> >:What’s wrong with you these few days?
> >
> >
> >:Nothing.
> >
> >
> >:Then why are you acting so strange?
> >
> >
> >:I am not.
> >
> >
> >:What can you say other than this answer?
> >
> >
> >o you know I’m very worried, very insecure, do you treat me as your
> >girlfriend?
> >
> >
> >:I’m sorry…
> >
> >
> >:I don’t want to hear you say sorry again.
> >
> >
> >I put down the phone and he did not call back.
> >
> >
> >He doesn’t even care about me. Maybe we should….break up.
> >
> >
> >…..this was the 99th time he said sorry…
> >
> >
> >From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him.
> >
> >
> >Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall
> >
> >
> >but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it’s a call from him, but
> >why don’t he speak up?
> >
> >
> >After one month have passed, I couldn’t contain the feelings I still have
> >for him anymore and went to his school to find him.
> >
> >
> >I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of
> >him.
> >
> >
> >:excuse me, is XOXO here today?
> >
> >
> >:I’m afraid he already stopped schooling.
> >
> >
> >:Huh? Why? When was that?
> >
> >
> >:He hasn’t been in school for a month already.
> >
> >
> >:Oh erms…thanks.
> >
> >
> >One month….not in school for one month…why is that so? I stumbled home.
> >
> >
> >Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your
> >message after the tone….
> >
> >
> >I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer.
> >
> >
> >How can it be? The whole family migrated?
> >
> >
> >It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth
> >leaving not even a single trace.
> >
> >
> >I couldn’t find him….just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone
> >suddenly sounded, it was my friend.
> >
> >
> >He was one of his brothers and also my good friend.
> >
> >
> >:Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital.
> >
> >
> >:REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?
> >
> >
> >:Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time.
> >
> >
> >:I’ll be right there.
> >
> >
> >I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the
> >hospital I saw that his parents were already there.
> >
> >
> >I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall.
> >
> >
> >He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle,
> >
> >
> >:Hey, what happened to you? Why didn’t you contact me?
> >
> >
> >He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again.
> >
> >
> >:Come on answer me…why don’t you speak?
> >
> >
> >A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the
> >greatest amount of strength that he could master to say…
> >
> >
> >:I’m…sorry…
> >
> >
> >After that, his eyes went shut.
> >
> >
> >:Hey, don’t fool around alright…why say sorry to me?
> >
> >
> >on’t say sorry to me….please wake up….answer me please.
> >
> >
> >I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried
> >out..
> >
> >
> >:Why do you have to apologise? Why don’t you give me an explanation
> >instead?
> >
> >
> >:I won’t forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use…
> >
> >
> >:If you don’t wake up I’ll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please
> >I beg of you..open your eyes…..
> >
> >
> >That was the 100th sorry
> >
> >
> >A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to
> >revive him. I had no strength to stand up…
> >
> >
> >My mind was a blank…. my eyes could only see a sea of black.
> >
> >
> >He did not leave this world…I merely lost the chance to touch him
> >anymore.
> >
> >
> >But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing.
> >
> >
> >He’s still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart.
> >
> >
> >would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling….just
> >that…he never apologise to me anymore.
> >
> >
> >After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box…inside was
> >
> >
> >a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he
> >made me angry.
> >
> >
> >The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up.
> >
> >
> >I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn’t have the heart to tell you
> >the truth then,
> >
> >
> >before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still
> >made it a point to meet you, please forgive me?
> >
> >
> >The second time, my dear, I…
> >
> >
> >The third time, my dear, I…
> >
> >
> >The 100th time, my dear, I didn’t mean to leave you alone in this world,
> >
> >
> >It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You
> >for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger….
> >
> >
> >You are the first girl I apologised to.
> >
> >
> >And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life…
> >
> >
> >Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your
> >angel, always looking out for you…
> >
> >
> >Looking at you while you find your happiness…promise me…don’t shed a
> >tear…
> >
> >
> >I don’t want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XOXO
> >
> >
> >How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible.
> >
> >
> >The last photograph was of him in the hospital,
> >
> >
> >Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever.
> >
> >
> >His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the
> >last photo, the 100th.
> >
> >
> >At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn’t with him.
> >
> >
> >:I’m sorry.
> >
> >
> >I held the photo tightly and cried for us…..